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VALORANT isn’t one to shy away from humor, and we got to see their take on a hilarious (but game-breaking) VALORANT April Fools patch notes.
Cypher’s Revenge
Prior to the patch notes releasing, VALORANT initially trolled the player base with a new 5v1 game mode called “Cypher’s Revenge,” featuring an insanely overpowered Cypher, because he knows exactly where you are.
“We’re interrupting our normal patch cadence as we have made some updates to VALORANT that have been in the works for a while now. We have also been made aware that our typical patch notes are hard to understand for everyday VALORANT players such as yourself.
Check out the changes to VALORANT below along with a translation so that everyone can understand just what exactly is going on. Enjoy!”
Agent Updates
Wingman can now pick up and shoot guns
say less—our bestie, Wingman, can now pull up onto site with an Op
Proximity to Brimstone’s beard adds rapid fire
Brim looked us square in the eye and gave us a good firm handshake and we just couldn’t say no
Competitive Updates
VALORANT e-daters in Ranked will automatically be funneled to a dedicated queue where they can only hear one another’s voice comms
Cuffing season may be over, but if you and your situationship are tryna link over VALORANT without getting absolutely merked by your teammates, we gotchu fam.
Gameplay Systems Updates
Shots fired while in spawn will now shoot into enemy spawn
map control is mid anyway
Jett dash is now cooldown based instead of charge based and the cooldown is now set to 0.5 seconds
we love Jett and we love cars so we made her dash cooldown 0.5 seconds. Jett boutta pull up skrt skrt
Maps Updates
Breeze is now the only map, and it comes with cabanas and adirondack chairs
Your timeshare is once again open for business.
Modes Updates
Suss Teammate Mode: Solo queue with scoreboard and comms turned off
because like why are you bottom fragging and not using comms — pick a struggle.
Performance Updates
In Game Leads will now get an “aged” effect face filter applied to their Agent
When I was your age they used to say, “youth is wasted on the young.” Different times.
Progression Updates
You can now progress the Battlepass on your stationary bike
not you forgetting to complete the last Battlepass
Social Updates
Use of “VALORANT Accent” in voice comms is now automatically translated
Weapons Updates
We’ve seen the online banter of which is better: Vandal or Phantom. To make the decision easier, we are removing the Vandal from the shop.
friendship ended with Vandal now Phantom is your best friend #phantoms4life
Regardless to say, (unfortunately?) none of these changes are actually coming to VALORANT. Yes, we checked.
The post The VALORANT April Fools Patch Notes are Hilarious appeared first on ClutchPoints.
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